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May 31, 2010

The Peanut Gallery

Yesterday, my sweetie and I played a round with my brother in law. Since we played on Mother's Day he and my sister have been bitten with the bug and I am thrilled! We were waiting for the group in front of us to tee off and just kind of hanging out. The first guy in the group took his shot and totally pulled it landing far left of where he had intended. The guy he was playing with said "you made great connection and had killer hang time". The second guy stepped up and took his shot. He topped it, and the grounder rolled a fairly decent distance. His com padre said "hey at least it was straight, now you've just got to get up and down". You see? Golfers are so nice to each other! The constant words of encouragement from the peeps in your group keep you going and allow you to not feel like a complete fool. Rhetoric is something I find fascinating. When people use certain words or phrases and the reasons why they use them has a multitude of variables. The golf course offers a plethora of situations just like the ones those guys had on the first tee.

Words and inflection can evoke any number of emotions from the person for whom they are intended. Case in point: My twinster is a brand new, freshly baked (that's what I call newborn babies because they're all warm and soft) golfer... but so is my brother in law. Since they've decided that golf is their game, they have hit the range and looked for any opportunity to play. My sister had hoped that golf would be something they could do together, but separately. Meaning, they could go to the range together, play a round together, but also work on their own games independently. My sis has a crazy work travel schedule, still does hair when she's "off" and has three girls (the most precious nieces I could ever dream of) with which to contend. Needless to say life tends to be a bit crazy for her. It would be wonderful if she could use the driving range as I do, as a way to clear her head and find peacefulness amidst a hectic day. Hopefully this will happen, however...

Let's just say, she doesn't need anyone throwing salt in her game: [enter, brother in law]. My bro in law is of course a guy (duh), however he was also a baseball player. Can you see where I'm going with this yet? Anyway, he's still freshly baked but has a serious advantage over my sister: he's a dude, and he played baseball. The idea of hitting a ball and the physics behind that are not as foreign to him as they are to my sis. Now then, there they are at the driving range. My sis is still working on finding her full swing and is working with her 9 iron and 7 iron. This is exactly as it should be. Sigh... my bro in law says to my uber self conscious sis "do you think you should have a solo lesson". oh no... really? here's the thing: although that sounds like an innocuous and even perhaps a supportive comment, it was the inflection. Here's what my sister heard: "you are so remedial that you need extra help to not make a fool of yourself". The day after that comment was made my bro in law was coming down to play with my sweetie and me. Prior to his departure my sis asked that he leave her 7 and 9 guys because she was going to try to hit a bucket. My darling, precious, yet idiotic male of a bro in law said: "ummm don't you want your driver? you should start practicing with that so you can hit the ball further". omg. NOOOOO!!!! Not only is my sis not ready to swing her driver, she's got a ways to go before she tackles the woods. AND THAT IS OK!!! whew. Yes, yes I wanted to smack my bro in law, but he really is the cutest and had no idea he upset my sis (and let's all cross fingers he doesn't read this particular post.. love you MW!!! you know I do!!).

Then there is my sweetie. He's my caddy, my Fluff Cowan. He lugs my pink golf bag without a second thought. He also happens to be a man of few words (clearly opposites attract). However, he's never at a loss for words when it comes to "stating the obvious". Yesterday, I made my first official GIR (green in regulation) on the 4th hole at my little home course (not my first GIR ever, I've done that plenty o'times, the first time on this hole, yay me!). This hole is the hardest on the course and getting your ball to stay up on the green takes a fricking act of God. The green plays about 156 from the tee and is elevated. That would all be fine and dandy if the green didn't have a center elevation equivalent to the crest of Mt. Everest. You have to give the ball a good smack to get it to the green, however if the ball comes in hot )or even warm), it will just keep on rolling over the green and down into the grassy ditch. You try to land it short, and chances of it rolling up and on to the green are slim. Needless to say I could have jumped up and down at the feat! Ahh, but never fear, putting on this green is worse than sticking the drive. I had a crazy long putt and the break is brutal. I felt good and hit the ball with what felt to me like a good stroke and the right distance and a good line. The ball has to have enough gas to get up the slope, but if you don't give it exxxactly the right amount, it makes it up the slope and catches the beginning of the down slope. Once that happens: bah-bye Gertie (my ball is always named Gertie, for some reason I like it better when she has a name, don't ask). There goes Gertie, rolling and rolling and rolling.. off the green and yeah.. you guessed it.. lands at the bottom of the grassy ditch. FRICK! So much for the GIR, I have to chip it up onto the green from the bottom of this darned ditch... soo irritated! At this point throwing my club (or perhaps entire golf bag) into the bay is the most innocent action I'm contemplating taking. I'm trying to be cool, be all "big girl golf" and then.. my sweetie says.. wait for it, waaaait for it... he says: "you hit it way too hard". Really? REALLY?!?! Wow... thank you for stating the obvious, because clearly I never would have figured that out. He knows that it makes me nuts when he states the obvious. Statements like that climb up my last nerve and screeeeeech their way back down. The thing is, words have the ability to lift you up or to push you down. I know that my sweetie would never push me down, he's the "wind beneath my drive" for pity's sake but for the love of gawd I can't take it!

Word to the wise: don't speak without your attorney present.

May 26, 2010

Lingo 101

In every sport, industry, workplace, family and group of friends, there exists a language specific to that group. It is easy to feel like an outsider when we hear people using terms and phrases that mean absolutely nothing to us. As a meeting planner I could have a 45 minute conversation comprised primarily of acronyms, for example: “I was reviewing the BEO’s and I think schoolies will fit better in that set to make sure there is enough room for the A/V and F&B”. See what I mean? Imagine being an intern working for me! Anyway, in terms of insider lingo, golf may be the worst offender, especially to someone who is new to the scene and already feels like an outsider. I suggest that if you want to assimilate quickly and easily into this foreign land, get a jump start on learning the language.

There are certain terms that my sweetie and I use and are specific to us. However, the terms are often rather catchy and by the end of a round, the other people in our foursome have likely adopted our vernacular as their own. And the people in our foursome have likely used some terms that we pick up and use repeatedly. Not only is it helpful to know the normal course lingo, but throwing out a unique term will impress your foursome (or at least make them laugh which is good in any case). Therefore, I am happy to provide a cheat sheet of golf vernacular (sometimes common, sometimes things my sweetie uses, or we’ve picked up from other player). Here goes:

You’ve got the boxes: This means, that “you have the honor of being first to tee off”. Normally, the person who had the lowest score on the last hole is the first to tee off at the next hole. So then, you say this to the person who has “earned” the boxes.

Grip it and rip it: This is sort of a way to let the person who’s up know they need to go ahead and tee off. Perhaps you were waiting for the group ahead to get off the green, but in any event, it’s like “ok, your turn, let’s go”.

Tasty two (or 3 or 4, etc.): When someone has had a particularly good hole, and putts it in you can say that it was a tasty “whatever they shot”. So, on a par 3, someone just birdied, you say “tasty two”.

Sandy: This is when you’ve gotten your ball out of the bunker and onto the green in one, then one putt.

Up and down: This is when you get “up” onto the green, and one putt “down” into the hole. When someone does this you say: “Nice up and down!” More often than not, during a tournament you’ll hear an announcer say “he’s got to get up and down to save par”, or something along those lines.

Settle: This is what you yell at your ball to stop rolling “for the love of gawd!”.

Sit Down: This means, that the ball is in the air (some people actually get killer hang time, whatever…) and they want the ball to come down so it doesn’t overshoot the aimed for landing place. You hear this most often on really windy days when someone made the error of using a high lofted club. I personally, have yet to beg my ball to sit down. I wish she’d get “up” in the first place. Sigh.

Pull the string (or put the brakes on): This refers to backspin. Backspin is often necessary when a ball has to be hit high or especially long to hit the green, or if the green has a downhill slope. When backspin is used correctly, the ball lands on the green and either rolls backwards, or stops in its tracks.

Tend the flag: When someone has a really long putt, or is chipping from the rough around the green, another person in the group should go to the flag and ask if the person swinging can see the hole, if yes, they will give you the thumbs upward motion and say “pull it”, or if they can’t see it, you stand at the hole, and as soon as they hit the ball you pull the pin.

Nice roll: When someone hits a nice putt, but perhaps does not land in the hole, you acknowledge that it was a nice roll. You can also say: “perfect distance”, or “you had the line”. This just means the putt was good regardless of them not sinking it.

Nice out: When someone has just gotten their ball out of the bunker on the first try you say nice out, pretty much regardless of the crappy place it may have landed.

There are a million more where these came from, but this is a good start. I figure that speaking the native language in any country helps us not to feel like we don’t belong.

Parlez-vous Golf?

May 24, 2010

The Club

When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time at my grandparent’s house, and my sisters and I loved it. Once a month, my grandfather and his friends met for “boy’s poker night”. All of the men took turns hosting the evening, and I loved it when it was my Papa’s turn. Since San Francisco is so dense, pretty much all of the houses, regardless of district are built tall and narrow. The living area is upstairs but downstairs, usually right off of the basement (if you’re from SF, the garage is ALWAYS called the basement), is a room… ahhhh, the rumpus room. This lovely space was created with the specific intent of being a place to have cocktail parties, and little gatherings. This is also the best place for a boy’s night with the chips, the cards, libations and cigars. When poker night was at my grandparents, I made every excuse possible to hang out down there. I’d see if they needed anything from upstairs, bring snacks, say “oh, did you call me”, knowing they hadn’t. Anyway, the rumpus room was the fun place and I would rather hang out with the guys than with the ladies. Although I am the girliest of girls, the cheerleader, not the jock, I really don’t dig the whole hens clucking thing. I think this is one of the many things that has drawn me to golf.

Being a chick at the course has absolute advantages. Firstly, the men are not threatened by our presence, and perhaps appreciate the occasional whiff of the lightly (the operative word here is “lightly”) perfumed chickadee. However, the objective (at least for me) is not to bask in male attention… I’m really just trying to work on this darned swing. However, if I’m going to be the hen in the rooster house, I need to adopt an attitude of graciousness. For example, I often hit the driving range in the middle of a stressful day to clear my head. Sometimes I hit balls to work on a swing correction and get a handle on it before actually playing. But whatever the reason, I’m out there for some peace and quiet (oh and… unless you’re waiting on a heart for a transplant, leave your cell phone in the darned car!). Anyway, there I am, minding my own business hitting balls, trying to get into my little groove, and sure enough, the guy next to me, or walking by, or 10 stalls down, feels compelled to offer some coaching. Eh ehmmm.. look dude, I just saw that shank of all shanks you hit, so umm, I’m all set. Perhaps I could offer you a tip or two? Hehe…

It is just part of the chemical make up of men, to be Mr. Fix it. This is generally one of men’s most redeeming qualities, but sometimes it can be a little overwhelming. I’m quietly working on my swing, then I have to humor the guy who has just offered his advice by pretending to incorporate his suggestion into my swing, whilst he stands behind me and watches a few, taking any and all credit for a good shot.. siiiiiigh … Now this is an easy day. I have had range sessions that have included a small cluster of Mr. Fix It’s vying for their place as my personal Mr. Miyagi… and, the thing is, I already have one. But thanks guys, love ya!

It is important to remember what your instructor has taught you and practice that on the range. If you are taking lessons with a pro, or whoever is sort of in charge of fixing your flaws, keep in mind what they have suggested. It’s nice to have input if you are having an issue with one thing in particular that one day, and free advice is nice and all, but it can really create additional issues, and/or undo all the work you’ve already done with the correction. However, be polite and appreciative… the guys want to help and physiologically, they HAVE to help. Seriously… how cute is that?? Boys will be boys… and really have no choice in the matter.

Let it be.

May 19, 2010

Miss Manners

Golf is considered a "gentleman's game". I totally love that! But what on earth does that mean? Well, perhaps it speaks to the fact that the game is self policed (case in point: Brian Davis at the Heritage Tourney). Perhaps it means that the behavior of a gentleman is required. Hmmm... I think maybe it's a bit of both of these. Consider the PGA: there are times when a player misses a putt and although he looks a bit bummed, he doesn't let the "F" bombs fly. Also, most players (save Tiger) are friendly with their counterparts, sometimes offering words of advice about a shot or the break on a green. A true golfer, is one who competes against the foe unseen: the course itself.

I have played many rounds with people I've never met, however the dialogue repeats from foursome to foursome; with one exception... One weekend morning my sweetie and I were hitting the links, happy as could be. Two kids, about 12 years old or so, were paired with us. We didn't mind, and introduced ourselves, looking forward to a lovely game. Things began as normal, although I just couldn't hit the ball that day. I was sooo frustrated, but ya know.. that's just the way it goes. Anyway, one of the boys was a little more aggressive than the other, and he was giving his friend a bad time about pretty much any shot he hit. I get the whole "boys will be boys" thing, but this was just lame. I have to say that I don't think this whole scene was helping in terms with of the energy of the group, but I persevered.

At one point, about 3 holes from finishing the round, the aggressive kid made a really "impolite" comment to me. He said (with a snicker) "have you even parred a hole?"... omg.. I felt my stomach drop, my face redden, and I totally could have bawled (but I couldn't because there's the whole "no crying in golf" rule.. dammit!!). I looked at the kid and said, yes, (you little S*&T), I usually have at least one or two pars per round, AND, I birdied the ninth!" (I may or may not have ended this statement with a "HPMH!"). Needless to say, this totally bummed me out. When we got to the last hole, we were wating to tee off. I was trying to let it go, but seriously, I just couldn't. Finally, I went all "mommy" on his ass. I said "you know what? You totally hurt my feelings, and that was really uncool, and it's not the way to play golf". I explained to him that the whole thing about the course, is that everyone encourages one another and does NOT make someone feel badly about a poor shot. Seriously? Do we not make ourselves feel badly enough?!?! I further explained to the kid (I was gaining speed now, chooo chooo!), that the non-stop crap he gave his friend throughout the round, went beyond "giving your friend a bad time" and that his attitude had no place on the golf course. (I may or may not have told him that his mother would be horrified at his behavior). So take that you little s*&^head! Anyway, I happened to hit a kickin' shot off the tee and that kid was not only chagrined, but chimed in with "great shot!", yada yada. Sigh... Anyway, he totally chunked his shot and oh how I wanted to point and laugh! Eh ehmm.. However, being the big girl golfer, I opted for the "no worries, you're just setting it up for your next shot."

The funniest thing? Everytime we've seen that kid since, he bends over backwards to go all Eddie Haskell to me. One round, he was a hole ahead of us and saw a few of my tee shots and putts, and made absolute sure to be Mr. Cheerleader.

The bottom line here is this: the Golden Rule applies to the links. Learn it. Live it. And if you don't, please don't play with me, because: a: I get a headache when I have to hold back tears and b:) I'll shame you into sending your mom flowers.

I'm just sayin'...

May 17, 2010

All Quiet

One of my favorite things to do, is to attend a PGA Tournament... I absolutely love the energy of the gallery. My sweetie and I have attended the AT&T ProAm at Pebble Beach, which has now become our Valentine's Day "thing". Forget flowers, candy and diamonds (OK, scratch that last one)... bring on the golf!

Before I started playing, I would have preferred a root canal over watching golf on TV. Now that I am "in the know", I enjoy it. I love the tradition and the pomp and circumstance of it all. However, actually being in the gallery is an experience all it's own.

One of the main focuses of my trip to Hilton Head (aside from the hotel tours, of course) was the Heritage Tournament. The second day of the trip began with breakfast and a couple of hotel tours (not to mention the most hideous hangover I've had in years), and the afternoon was dedicated to the tournament. When we arrived at Harbour Town, I was soooo excited.  I love this course and have played it many times (ok on Wii Golf, but so what?). We slowly made our way to one of the two sky boxes that were hosted by our hotel hosts. As I sat in the front row of the sky box on the 17th green (sipping a beer, hoping the hair of the dog would set me right), I was in my glory. Of course I was texting my sweetie telling him to look for me on TV (and yes, bitterly missing him). In that moment, in that lovely quiet space of the green, watching golf's most amazing players hit the ball, all I could think was: "wow, my job does not suck!"

The tournament was really exciting, and I had an opportunity to see all of the players walk off the 18th green, which means one thing: Autographs!! woohoo!! I completely filled my visor with names I cannot read (I kept a list to refer to)... but one I shall not forget: Jim Furyk, aka: "winnah, winnah!"

The autograph thing is tricky at a tournament. You cannot ask for one from a player until they are done with their round (they are working, people!). However, ProAm's are a little bit different, at least for the amateurs. The AT&T at Pebble usually has a fair amount of celebrities as the amateurs. Sometimes that is really cool (last year, Justin Timberlake played!), but at least for me, that is a small part of the draw (if any). Bill Murray is a standard fixture at this tournament, and he definitely works the crowd for a laugh. Sometimes the celebrities will come up to the rope as they are walking the fairway and sign autographs. I like Bill Murray as much as anyone I suppose, and was following the group he was in (not because of him, because he was playing with Rocco Mediate whom I love, love love!). Anyway, at one point Bill came to the ropes and was giving autographs. I had my trusty white visor in hand (and my own Sharpie), and politely waited my turn. Eh ehmmm... hello? Bill? You have made eye contact with me, signed for people on either side of me, and yet, completely dissed me. Why oh why? I wondered if perhaps the Nike "swoosh" on the visor was off putting. I couldn't figure it out! There I was, minding my own business, being polite. I was annoyed but was over it, and tried again not one, but two more times. Each time he did the same thing! HMPH! Well, after filling my visor with the names of the amazing players present at Heritage, including the winnah, to Bill Murray I say: "Put that on your tee and drive it"! I will not be asking for his autograph again. Nope. Never. Carl, the greens keeper would never have such an attitude...

Have Sharpie, will travel...

May 14, 2010

HHeaven

Every so often I am invited by a convention and visitor's bureau to attend something called a "Fam". A Fam is a familiarization tour which allows meeting planners to visit a city and tour their hotels in an effort to educate us on their offerings. The point of course, is that we are then able to recommend these properties to clients and bring business their way. I was recently invited to attend a fam on Hilton Head Island, South Carolina and felt like I had won the lottery!

Hilton Head is an island about 12 miles long and 5 miles wide. This relatively small geographical space is home to 24 world class golf courses... omg. Are you kidding me? This is literally golf heaven! In addition to hotel tours, the tourism bureau put together a four day Hilton Head experience, complete with tee times and VIP passes to the Heritage tournament! I have no words... sigh

Hilton Head does have an airport, however when travelling from most cities it makes the most sense to fly into Savannah (the cutest airport ever!) and drive the 35 minutes to Hilton Head. Although I arrived quite late in the evening, I could see the non-stop golf course entrances for the duration of the drive.

The program began and of course I toured all of the hotels and became familiar with the island from a meetings perspective. However, I was chomping at the bit to get out on one of those amazing greens and tee it up. Thankfully, I had my first opportunity the afternoon of the first day of the trip. Five of us headed out to the Palmetto Hall Plantation (every "area" is called a plantation even though they aren't actual plantations). We had a t-time at the Arthur Hills course, which is fricking amazing. Anyway, we were a little bit short on time, so we decided on a scramble, hoping to get to all 18 holes.

Everyone was in a jovial mood as we waited our turn at the first tee. There is something about looking down the first fairway (at least for me), that evokes a kind of reverence. This was also the first full 18 hole course I had ever played so it was an extremely thrilling moment as well as slightly overwhelming. I had a set of rental clubs on the cart, and I hadn't had an opportunity to hit a bucket first so I had no idea how things would go. And then... I was up.

I grabbed my 3 wood because that is the club I am most comfortable with (I can't hit my driver to save my life). I teed it up... addressed the ball... and then.. I smacked the living daylights out of this ball! omg.. long and straight with that sound of the ball connecting with the sweet spot. The joy! The sheer exhilaration! Oh, if only my sweetie had been there... he would have beamed like a prod papa. Sigh.. how I missed him that day.

After a few successful t shots with the 3 wood, I decided to pull the big dog out and let him eat. The driver was a King Cobra and I thought, well, let's see how this works out. I hit the best t-shot I have ever hit and it flew for 200 yards! As I stood on the tee, holding my finish, I was mesmerized by the flight of the ball. I couldn't believe that I had done that, I mean really, I couldn't believe it. In the scramble format, we played the best ball through to the green. How utterly shocked was I, that many (perhaps most) of the t-shots we played from were mine?!?! Are you freaking kidding me?!?! (Note to self: save pennies for new driver).

We were in a hurry so we only played 14 holes, but the thrill of that first round filled me with a warmth I can't describe. We finished the round, headed back to our respective hotels (oh how I needed a nap), and prepared to head to dinner, followed by a comedy club. By the time I arrived back at my hotel that night, I was utterly exhausted, yet I had a hard time falling asleep. I couldn't help but replay the day in my head over and over again. The sound of my well struck drive eventually lulled me to sleep and when morning came, I was ready for Harbour Town!

Let the angels sing.

May 12, 2010

Feel the beat

Golf is all about consistency. The objective is to have a consistent swing, that makes solid connection with the ball which will hopefully land where we're aiming. Oh it sounds so easy! I have no problem hitting 5 shots in a row that sound great when the ball is struck, and then I watch in horror as my ball makes a right hand turn and lands in the parallel fairway. Sigh. It kills me. So if I can repeat that swing consistently, why I can't I repeat the swing that smashes the ball long and straight down my own fairway? It's quite a dilemma and has caused more than one unladylike word to fly out of my mouth. My swing mechanics are surprisingly good. It's the rhythm that I have trouble with.

When we address the ball and begin the back swing, there are a million little pieces that need to come together to produce a good shot. However, we can't think about all of those things because it jacks up our rhythm. It is difficult to relax and not try to hit the ball as hard as humanly possible, when we are supposed to let the club do the work. Maybe I'm too  much of a control freak, I don't know, but I have a hard time letting go. There are days when the rhythm flows and days when it does not. I have finally realized that this is the same for everyone, so I've stopped beating myself up about it.

There is a rhythm in everything we do: daily life, work, driving, etc. Some days, it seems like everything is going right. We are productive at work, household chores are finished easily, and it isn't hard to find a smile on our face. As with our back swing, our daily lives are filled with little pieces that we are trying to get together. Situations arise that are beyond our control and we have to deal with it, but it impacts our rhythm. We get up in the morning with an expectation of what the day ahead will be. We have our to-do lists and intend upon getting things done. Nothing is more frustrating than when unexpected circumstances arise, which throw your entire plan for the day out the window. That can cause a good degree of stress and frustration. This is the time, to breathe for a moment, reassess, and deal. We are not in control of every situation that presents itself, and should perhaps stop trying so hard.  Each bump in the road is just a bump. If we freak out about it we allow it to negatively impact our rhythm for the rest of the day, week, or even year.

It seems that if I have a round wherein my tee shots are a thing of beauty, I can't make a single putt. Other days, I can't get off the tee, but my short game is on fire. I have a choice: I can beat myself up about what isn't going well, or I can revel in what is. The same holds true with whatever is going on in my life. I can focus on whatever happened that has completely thrown my day for a loop, or I can choose to focus on how well I dealt with it. There are a lot of things I have no control over, but if I go with the flow, my rhythm will find its way back.

...and a 5,6,7,8...

May 11, 2010

Priorities

One of the best things about golf, is the social aspect. These days we are all so busy that it's hard to get together for drinks or dinner or whatever... The cool thing about golf, is that it's an excuse to make plans with people and what golfer doesn't have a time allotment budgeted into the weekly schedule?

Sixteen years ago, my twinster and brother in law moved about an hour away from me. To most people this probably isn't a big deal, but I was devastated. The thing is, even though an hour isn't that long of a drive (ok, it's an hour without traffic and there is pretty much always traffic covering that route)... but you can't be in each other's every day life. Meaning, we can't just pop by one another's house to borrow this or that, I can't drive my neices to or fro school or dance when my sis has scheduling issues, and we don't meet for coffee on Saturday mornings. This... makes me sad.

Whenever I get to pick what I want to do for the day (birthdays, etc.) well duh.. I pick golf! I don't have many golf chums, since neither my family nor my friends play. However, several months back, my twinster and I went to the driving range and hit a bucket of balls. She had never swung a club and with my incessant blathering about how fun it is, she wanted to give it a whirl. Although I am a fledgling, my guru has taught me well, and in terms of mechanics I am well versed in what you are supposed to do. Although each time I swing a club, it's anyone's guess as to whethere or not I actually pull all the elements together. The good news, I guess, is that I usually know exactly what I've done wrong and try to focus on a correction.

Since we are twins, my sis and I really "get" each other and speak the same language. I started her as my sweetie started me, with her 9-iron and a half swing. The only tricky thing is that although we are both left handed, I golf righty and she golfs lefty. We persevered and she was able to make some good ball contact and did well.

For Mother's Day I decided that my sis and brother in law should come down to my house early and that the four of us could play 9 before the rest of the fam arrived at my house for lunch. Since it was Mother's Day, we figured it was ok to do whatever we wanted. Once that was decided I set about the process of nudging (stalking, bullying) my brother in law to buy my sis a new set of clubs. It was a mildly painful process but we got it done!

Much to my neices chagrin, my sis and bro in law arrived at my house Sunday morning, ready to play. My sweetie's dad was still in town so we had a perfect 5-some. We got to the course and I was soooo excited! My sister was a little nervous but my bro in law was the one with the real jitters. Thankfully we got off the first tee without incident, and my sis played from the forward tees using her 9-iron and half swing. She wasn't going to get to the green in one, but this process helped her to get through the round without feeling frustrated and giving up. They both did well and now they have been officially bitten with the golf bug.

The thing about golf is... it is an excuse to get together with people. I was able to spend a lovely Sunday morning with my sister, sans kids. On the golf course, there is no room for serious conversation and the everyday stresses of life are forgotten. The golf course often feels to me, like a safe place to "get away". Spending time with the important people in your life, without the kids needing something, without the phone ringing or the television interrupting, is a forgotten concept. A round of golf is the grown up equivalent to "playing outside". When we were kids, that's all we did and all we wanted to do. As adults, we forget to unplug from the Matrix and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. When we play golf, we have the opportunity to forget about work, the bills, and the bathroom that needs to be cleaned. In this world of technology driven overstimulation, we have forgotten the importance of peacefulness. The golf course allows us to find it again, and gives us an excuse to nurture the little kid we all have buried inside...

Golf: it does a body good

May 10, 2010

Life imitates golf

I find myself fascinated with the amount of psychology found within the game of golf. I am aware of how golf impacts me psychologically as well as how my psychology affects my game. Whilst on the mission to shoot a 36 at my itty home course, I have been surprised at how much pressure I've put on myself. The phenomenom is that pretty much everyone who swings a club does the same thing. Golf is a very personal and sometimes lonely venture. If you have a bad day the results reflect it and you haven't got ten other people on your team to pick up the slack. It's kind of like when someone writes a song, or paints a painting. He or she has put their heart and soul into something and once complete although the artist may have felt that they've just done their best work, there is usually a serious amount of insecurity when showing the final product to others. The thing is, there is nothing and no one to blame if your work is not well received, it's all you. The hard part about that is that when an artist shows their work, they are baring their soul before others. I think most of us experience the fight or flight response when in such a vulnerable position, and breath a sigh of relief when the reactions of others to the work is positive. This is how most of us feel when we address the ball... It's all about the judgement.

This past weekend I played a full 18 with the bf and his dad. I was so excited to play and didn't think I was all that nervous, because his dad is really encouraging. Sigh... on the front 9, I couldn't hit a ball from the tee, from the fairway or on the green. The nervous quotient shot through the roof when I stepped up to the first tee. Not only did I have my guys watching, but the course marshall was standing there as well as a cluster of golfers waiting to be up (all men, gulp) were watching. I grabbed my driver, stepped up to the tee and hit the worst shot in the history of golf. I totally topped the ball and it didn't even make it out of the box. Can you say "totally fricking mortified?" I felt the flush in my face and got the "tinglies". Eh ehmmm... so of course I had to do it again and it was hardly better than the first. Deep breath.

As we pressed on, I was horrified that I couldn't "find my swing". I mean, I am a fledgling so I don't have dreams of grandeur but come on! The shots I was missing were ones I can totally handle and I was frustrated to say the least. The back nine was 8 shots better than the front, and I at least hit a few good shots but yeah... I shot a 130. The sad part about that is that this score is actually in line with what I've done in previous rounds. The thing is, if I hit a great shot off the tee, get to the green in the appropriate amount of strokes and then choke with my putter, I can totally get over it. I still feel proud that I struck the ball well and had some good shots. It's like, missing a chip shot by totally topping the ball, but it somehow finds the cup. This happened to me once and although I was excited about it, it was a horrible shot, so I didn't feel proud like "yay, I chipped it in". More like, that was a hilarious stroke of luck. But I mean, zero skill required, I just got lucky. In terms of how I feel about the round I'm playing, good shots make me feel good, bad shots make me feel bad, regardless of the end result. It's like making a cake from scratch versus out of a box... if you add the three ingredients listed on the back of the box, stir it up and throw it in the oven, how good should you feel when everyone raves about it? It was a good mix, but did not require any cooking talent.

I am not a fan of Tiger Woods and never have been. I will admit that his golf skills are second to none (well, they were anyway), but as a human being I have little if any respect for the guy. His win stats reflect his skill of course, but that guy has pulled off some shots that just shouldn't have been successful. The thing about Tiger is that he is a master at visualization and when combined with his skill, he has managed to get the luckiest "kicks" and lies and successful shots out of situations that just shouldn't produce good results. That was then.. this is now.

Everyone has heard about his scandal (really, who is surprised by this?). He took some time off and recently started playing again. His game has gone to absolute hell and every golf analyst is talking about the possible reasons why. Yesterday, he withdrew from a tournament less than halfway through the round citing "a neck injury". Yeah. Uh huh. Sure. As human beings, whatever we're feeling on the inside has to have a physical manifestation of some sort. When someone has just begun a relationship, he or she may lose weight, gain weight, have great hair days and exude an overall glow. Suddenly everything at work is just perfect and they look and feel fantastic. Now then, the person going through a breakup is a completely different story. There is probably a weight gain or loss, their face breaks out and work is nothing but drama. Tiger has had a shift in energy, both his own as well as his "public's". He doesn't have the support he's always had and the energy in the gallery is not pulling for him to win. Hence the "injury".

The point is, if Tiger Woods can miss a cut or shoot a 79 because of his shift in energy, why do we think that stepping up to the tee filled with angst and insecurity will produce a perfect golf shot? Why the heck are we so sure that the world is judging our swing and that we are somehow "less than" if we top it, pull it, hook it, slice it or (God forbid) shank it? Who freaking cares? It's a game!

In our lives, we need to take each day as it comes, expect the best, but plan for the worst. In golf, we need to do the same. Address the ball planning for the most magnificent shot we've ever hit... every single time. Enjoy the lovely day, enjoy the people you're with and just take it, one shot at a time.

Be the ball. Life is good.

May 07, 2010

Baby Steps

When I finally began the process of learning to play golf, I found myself being incredibly impatient. I guess I sort of thought that I would learn how to swing, hit a few buckets at the range, and hit the tee box. I didn't expect to be Paula Creamer or anything, but how long is it supposed to take before you can say "I am a golfer?!?!" So very frustrating... After a couple of months (yes months) of hitting balls I was finally ready to play a round. The driving range with a lovely little 9-hole par 3 course is about two minutes from my house (total score). At this point I hadn't really done anything besides hit my 9 iron, but that was perfectly fine to use for almost every shot. I played from the forward tee's which made the already short holes seem like munchkin land. This was actually good because although I was chomping at the bit to play, I was completely freaked out!

I made it through and thankfully we didn't keep score (but I did birdie the 9th hole, which was a total fluke). At that point I didn't have any real expectations in terms of skill, I just wanted to be part of the club. My sweetie and I have been playing that little course for about a year and a half now. I have definitely improved, but again... I am not exactly a threat to Paula Creamer. We had also added a couple of other courses to my repertoire, but I just felt like I was sort of a pretend golfer... and that totally bummed me out.

I started harping on the bf about playing "big girl golf" a year or so into it. Bless this man for his patience! There was definitely a "whine" factor involved. He decided that I could play a full 18 with par 4's and 5's as soon as I shot a 36 at this little course. Eh ehm... easier said than done (damned putter). I have come pretty close, but sadly, no cigar. To make matters worse, every single time we played I would feel this overwhelming pressure to shoot the damned 36. Honestly, this started taking some fun out of it for me, and ya know... nothing wreaks havoc on your confidence like hearing "you're not good enough". Of course no one said these words, but I felt like I was this remedial golfer and assumed that I was the only person on the planet who loved this game as much as I did, yet couldn't graduate to big girl golf. In my head all I could hear was "you suck". Sigh...

I think that perhaps this was a little bit evident because one Saturday morning, we were heading out to play. I assumed we were playing at our second most frequented 9 hole and sat back for the short ride. Well, after yelling at my bf because "you missed the exit! Now we have to go across the Golden Gate Bridge!" I realized that he had a little something up his sleeve. We drove north for more than an hour and finally reached our destination. The course is called Northwood and although it is 9 holes it does have par 4's and 5's. It also happens to be in the top 3, 9 hole courses in the country and after spending the day walking down the fairway surrounded by redwoods I could see why. Oh... and we played 2 rounds which means: Yahtzee! Big girl golf!!

Patience is a virtue I've yet to find within, but if anything is going to drag it out of me, it is definitely this little game we call golf.

May 06, 2010

Get thee to the 19th hole!

A few years ago I attended a dinner which was held in the banquet room at a golf course. I arrived early so I decided to sit at the bar until everyone else arrived. I ordered a glass of wine and pulled up a seat. I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings and was checking emails on my BlackBerry. As I finished what I was doing, I could feel someone's eyes on me. I looked up from my phone and had a long, slow, look down the bar. It suddenly became apparent that I was the only source of estrogen in the room and that every barstool was occupied by one attractive man after another. Ummm... JACKPOT! Who knew??

I was already happily attached, so this discovery didn't mean much to me, but I could rattle off a list of single girlfriends who would be in their glory! I have told many friends that they should take up golf or at least pop in to the bar for the occasional cocktail. The talent is there in both quality and quantity.

I suggest this venue for ladies who are in the market (whether you golf or not), but one must proceed with caution. I imagine that some of these men hang out at the course specifically to avoid women and we don't want to chase them away, so caution is the better part of valor here. Don't make this the new happy hour hang out for you and your dozen sorority sisters. Instead, pop in sort of discreetly either solo or with one wingwoman. This is also not the time for your hoochiest Saturday night skirt and thigh boots. The objective here is not to overwhelm the place with the smell of perfume and hair product, but instead to avail oneself to opportunity.

Golf can be a great vehicle for enhancing a relationship. Nothing melts my heart like the visual of my sweetie, in rough up to his armpits, looking for my errant ball. It's really quite sweet. Golf also offers a plethora of opportunities for bonding. Imagine: it's just you and him walking hand in hand down the fairway. The sun is shining, the only things audible are the sounds of birds chirping. The whole scene is tranquil and really quite zen. Of course the moment the bunker comes into view and you see your ball half buried the zen thing is over, but ya know, that's golf.

As most of us know, it is important for a man to "be the man". What better way to fulfil this need then by having him display his prowess in the fairway? I am lucky that my man is both a talented golfer and a patient teacher. This of course helped me (seriously, lessons are expensive) but every time he suggests a swing correction or puts me through a drill, he is teaching me something he knows, which is so important for the male psyche.

I have seen some women play against their sweetie... that is just wrong. Men are competitive by nature, but with each other, not with us. It's all fun and games while youre playing, but um, should you actually beat him... emasculation city! This will never be a problem for me because even if I spent the next year as a "Haney Project", I would still never have a chance in hell of beating him and umm... I like it like that. Why do we, as women, think that we should always be equal? Don't get me wrong, I expect to be able to play anywhere I want and with whomever I want, but I still expect the guy in front of me to hold the door to the pro shop.

Emasculation: just say no

May 04, 2010

The Brotherhood

I didn't expect to become quite so addicted to golf, but it's like this whole new world exists and I discover something new every day. You know how everyone has that one guy in the office who stands up while he's on the phone and practices his golf swing? I would totally be that guy (thank gawd I work from home), so I totally get it.

First of all, let's dispel some myths. Everyone knows someone who considers herself a golf widow. This woman rolls her eyes at the mere mention of a tee time and when her honey heads out before sunrise on a weekend morning, she is annoyed that she has no one to ask to take the garbage out. Now, here's the thing: he doesn't have to actually get up that early to play, but he does so in an attempt to be home by lunchtime. Honestly, he could be out chasing women, but he isn't. You can be certain that golf is all about the boys (I'm generally part of the very tiny population of chicks found at the course, and probably the youngest). So breathe a sigh of a relief and let the guy do his male bonding.

The golf course is a place where guys can go hang out, puff up their chests about the single fab shot they hit all day, drink beer and perhaps smoke a cigar. In fact the worst thing a guy usually does at the course is to eat a hot dog. They really are mere mortals, bless their hearts. I imagine that setting up a golf date with a buddy is the male equivalent of a chick organizing a meeting of the blah blah sisterhood of the travelling something or other. To all chicks I say: let it go sister, don't come between a man and the brotherhood of the 3 iron.

Now that I am aware of the "lie of the land" (that's a golf joke.. get it? the "lie"?) I periodically worry that I have somehow overstepped boundaries. Are women really welcome on the golf course (yes, yes I am familiar with the LPGA, thank you). I think the answer is yes, but we must be cool and respectful. Also, while I play with my sweetie ALL the time, sometimes he needs to do the dude bonding thing, and I don't infringe upon that.

OK, here's how to be cool on the course and ensure that you are invited back:

1. There's no crying in golf. "F" bombs on occasion yes, but no crying.
2. If you aren't in a golf cart you must lug your own clubs (no whining).
3. Unless you're at a tiny course, play from the forward tees
4. Do not lag (the official term is slow play). Hit the ball, and move on
5. Drink beer, and no, the beverage cart does not have wine spritzers or skinny vanilla lattes
6. No pouting. Golf is hard for everyone, not just you, so suck it up
7. Don't throw a club
8. Don't be "that chick" who shows up in denim daisy dukes and giggles.
9. Remember that you aren't competing against other golfers, you play against the course
10. Don't freak out when you see there aren't any bathrooms, you will come upon one eventually

While I have never officially cried (not with witnesses), I definitely have my share of frustrations on the course. However, so does everyone else, and you know why? Because golf is fricking hard. I have noticed a sort of interesting behavior that seems to be quite consistent amongst players, regardless of being a man or a woman. Unless a person is a truly gifted golfer, almost everyone seems to become insecure when they step up to the tee.

My sweetie and I are often paired with another two-some and we have likely never met these people. We do the polite introduction thing and then everyone gets ready to play. It is at this moment that you see people sort of shrink a bit, and suddenly you can imagine them as a kid on the first day of school. Many people will make statements like "umm, well I'm not very good so I hope I don't slow you down". People say this before they even come close to addressing the ball. Yikes! So much for the mental aspect of the game.

The truth is, that in this way, both men and woman find themselves in this insecure place, standing alone in the tee box with the rest of the group watching, praying that they don't make a complete fool of them self. You know what? No one ever does... because the truth is, everyone hits their share of crappy shots, (some of us more than others). You can bet that no one is stifling a laugh because you just topped the ball and it is just past the ladies tees. No... your spectators are in their own heads thinking "omg what if I top the ball?!?!"

Relax. Breathe. Repeat.

May 03, 2010

I wanna play!

Is it me or is golf one of those male mysteries in life? I decided to find out and you know what? It's not that mysterious after all.

"GOLF" originated as an acronym which stands for: Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden. To which I say, "oh yeah? I'll show you!"

As a meeting planner I have planned more than my share of golf tournaments. I was always the girl running around with the clipboard stressing about someone's rental clubs not making it on their cart. I would be up before the sun to make sure everything was situated before my gaggle of hungover golfers showed up, red eyed and still smelling of alcohol. I couldn't help but wonder: what is it about chasing a little white ball around all day that could summon these people from the deepest realms of drunken sleep? Who knew, I would eventually be one of them!?

Something about the parade of golf carts heading out for a shotgun start has always put a smile on my face. I often wished that I could become part of this seemingly exclusive group and be out in the sunshine with them... and now I am!

My bf is an amazing golfer and also the most patient man on the planet. About a year into our relationship I finally agreed to get over my insecurity and let him begin the sometimes painful process of teaching me the ways of the golf course. My biggest worry of course, was that I would look like an idiot and embarrass myself (and him) in front of everyone at the range, who I imagined were all on the PGA Tour.

The best thing about my personal golf pro was that he started me off very slowly at the range, so that I could build some confidence. My 9 iron was my new best friend and I started with a nice and easy half swing. The ball didn't go very far but I got used to the very unnatural feeling of the golf swing. Slowly but surely I became more confident and began working on my full swing and every once in a while I hit a decent shot!

So began the love affair between me and the smell of freshly cut grass.